this blog is a museum of my heart

“It's taboo to admit that you're lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven't left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are. A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn't transition well to adult life, that you'd fall right through the cracks. And look at you now, it's happening.”

“Because tenderness depends on how little the world touches you. To stay tender, the weight of your life cannot lean on your bones.”

— Ocean Vuong, from On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous

• write that sentence, that dialogue, that scene that terrifies you
• don’t delete shit, just move it to another document
• have a “bits and pieces” document for all the odds and ends you can’t fit anywhere else
• think of the color of a person’s eyes, imagine something reflected in them, now write that scene
• fiction doesn’t have to be 100% accurate, don’t research yourself to boredom
• i’m being serious there’s a thing called suspension of disbelief and it’s magical (yes that’s me making a joke)
• write something that makes you cry
• write something that makes you laugh
• write something you can’t explain to other people
• write something you won’t remember until you read it the next day
• don’t read about the publishing industry until you really, really need to. all it will do is make you unbelievably tired
• listen to music from open world RPG video games, you’re welcome
• always take a small journal or some paper and a pen with you
• write by hand in a journal every once in a while
• put the ending of your story in the beginning and see what happens
• listen to input from other people. yes you’re the writer, but they’re the reader and they want to help you make something spectacular
• said is not dead dude like wtf
• the thesaurus is shiny and lovely and a great resource but don’t let words get in the way of your story telling, you don’t need to write prose as poetry for it to be beautiful
• just finish the draft first, worry about perfection after
• yes, you do have talent
• yes, you can do this. you already are
  

if i was a star and you were a star i would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

as much as i love the trope of a character falling fast and hard for someone, i also love the subtle descent where they don’t really think about it; where that person is just kind of there until one day they realize that person is so ingrained in their lives and they cannot do without them. where there is no conscious effort on either ends to become romantically involved but somehow the thought of them being with someone else is disconcerting. where “i enjoy being with you” unwittingly turns into “i want to be with you”

underrated Romantic Things:

- making up excuses to walk them home or to their car just to spend an extra few minutes in the presence, even if you're going out of your way to do it, to make sure they get home safe

- the Eye Contact that lingers after one of you catches the other staring at them but don't bother to look away, eventually one of you breaking into a shy smile and the other joins

- playing with each other's hands and stroking their inner wrists with your thumb ever so tenderly

- absentmindedly singing to them when they're drifting to sleep in your arms, seeing their faint smile as they head toward a peaceful slumber

- surprise shoulder kisses when you lean against a lover

- reminding them to take care of themselves even if it's unneeded, just to be able to see them smile and nod and promise you that they will, for you

- subconsciously sniffing their shirt when you hug them tightly, and it's kinda weird but ??? you don't even realize you're doing it they just smell so good and you can feel them smile every time you do it so sndkdkd

- waiting all day to tell them any kind of good news that you got because you're most excited for their reaction and encouragement than anyone else's, no matter how hard it is keeping it from others throughout the whole day

- that quiet muttering of "i love you"s in between kisses pressed against your lips never getting old, feeling your stomach doing backflips every time they do it and just feeling so loved in that moment

- gravitating towards each other in any room that you find yourselves in, you don't even notice it until you're right next to them after a few minutes of being several feet from the other, the force of your love too strong to keep you apart for long

one time he and i were sitting in bed and i said “where do you feel stuff?” and he said “what do you mean” and i said, “here is anxiety” and pointed to my bottom left rib where the spiders start. he pointed to his throat. “it’s here for me.” 

i keep anger in my breastbone, he holds it in his hands. i feel sadness on my shoulders, he feels it in his lungs. 

we play this game until we come to love, and i realize that i am terrified (jugular vein) of what might come. what if it is not the same. what if he feels it somewhere else, what if it is just a flash fire, not the slow burn, what if it is congealing in one place instead of radiating, i try to change topics, flight response (sternum)

he takes my hands in his and puts them over his ribs and says, “everywhere, everywhere, like a sun is trying to escape me, like i am being consumed and you are filling up where used to be empty.” i say, “don’t be ridiculous humans are 99% empty space,” i nervous laugh (spiders down spine), he holds his gaze with me. 

“everywhere,” he repeats.

“But I need to feel beautiful and holy things around me, always: music, mystery cults, symbols, myths. I need it, and I refuse to give it up… . That’s my fatal flaw.”

— Hermann Hesse , Demian (via liebesfraulein )

my tiny human body isn’t big enough to hold all the love that’s inside me and that’s why i’m always crying